Is Rufus Hound To Blame For The Failure Of The Wii U?

Scrap everything I said in that other Wii U thread. The launch was fine. The console was well supported. It does have a lot going for it. But it clearly just wasn't to be, and the writing has been on the wall for a long time. People might believe that Nintendo took the wrong approach with the Wii U, and it's four thousand controllers, lack of internal hard drive and lack of ideas for the innovative technology that it was marketed upon. But those people are wrong, and it's absolutely certain that the Wii U failed for one reason:



Rufus "Shiteing" Hound.

Bloody hell. Who remembers the Wii U Experience videos from 2013? What a load of fucking shite that was. If you don't remember - and why would you? - Nintendo UK responded to sluggish sales and widespread apathy towards their new home console by enlisting the services of low-budget "UK Comedian" Rufus Hound to better explain the benefits of the Wii U gamepad, and to also highlight the fact that the Wii U was a brand new Nintendo platform, and not just a glorified add-on to the Wii. But it was absolutely baws, and described at the time by a much-loved critic as "a shitefest"



In the first in a series of three, Hound kills the console stone dead by admitting that "great games don't really require a GamePad" in the first eleven seconds. Mother of God. Things get even worse as we're treated to some Early Learning Centre clipart, and Hound bores the arse off of everybody by prattling on about maps on the GamePad. This doesn't use actual images from any actual games, because nobody gave a rat's ass. He doesn't talk about the graphics, or the improved online capabilities, or that it's much more powerful than the Wii; he just talks bollocks about bacon and hotrods in a script that's about as funny as the Heaven's Gate mass suicide.



We then get part two in this trilogy of utter pish, with an episode that focuses on the eShop. "Set your faces to cringe", and Hound witters on in the most inane way possible about the "bread" of the eShop, which hilariously is the botched 360 ports of Assassin's Creed III and Batman Arkham City. He then calls The Cave (!!!) the "butter" (??!?!?!!?) of the eShop and then ends the clip by talking about "the cornucopia of classic Nintendo games" that we can enjoy for the fourteenth time. Mega Man gets mentioned, despite everyone knowing that it's only daft wanker Americans who can be arsed with that mince.



Mercifully, episode 3 was the last one before Nintendo UK presumably shit-canned the series and flushed Hound down a giant toilet to where he belongs. This time, Hound bangs on about the Wii U's functionality as a remote control. I genuinely didn't know that this was a thing. Genuinely. I bought the Wii U on launch day, and I had no clue. Nintendo UK decided that this was likely the third biggest selling point about the Wii U. Unbelievable.

Just...unbelievable. These adverts failed on ever single level, and the war was lost. Who on earth thought that these were a good idea? It bludgeoned the Wii U to death, in my eyes. It was less about "The Wii U Difference", and more towards "Much The Same As Last Time, And On Every Other Home Console Released Since 2005". There was no positives to take from these adverts - to call them terrible would be generous. And it's all Rufus Hound's fault. A prick of a man.

Yes, what a grade A bellend he is as well.

My gosh. I'd forgotten about these. God damn you Cappa for reminding me.

There's also the fact that Ninty thought these excuses for adverts, which were only available on Youtube, could do their marketing. LexLuthor.jpg

for Cappa

I'm not gonna look

The real man Rufus Hound is bad enough, but I think most of us know him better by his kayfabe name Sheamus.


In the ring, he's even more of a charmless cretin than when he's doing adverts for Ninty. At the end of 2012, when the Wii U launched, Sheamus was failing to win the WWE title in a feud with Big Show. That's the same Big Show who is one hundred and thirty seven years old, and so enormous his bones fail to support his weight. He can't run from one end of a ring to the other. He can't even move from his pillow to his bedpan without a major industrial operation: cranes, trucks, helicopters.


In early 2013, when Nintendo made the inexplicable decision to bring him on board to explain the Wii U experience, Sheamus had just been eliminated by Ryback. Ryback is a walking bicep curl. A wrestling match with Ryback consists of a series of 30-second spots and two-minute snack breaks, during which Ryback stops to consume an entire roast chicken, just to maintain his body mass. Ryback's skull contains more meat than an entire tyranosaurux rex, and considerably less brain.


A little while after that, Sheamus and Ninteno parted ways. He was injured, and disappeared from our television screens while Nintendo had some good years: we got cracking Pikmin, Mario, Mario Kart and Bayonetta games along with the fabulous new Splatoon. But eventually he returned, looking stupider than ever. He's gone on to lose the belt to that chuffster Roman Reigns and to disappear again into weird feuds and slightly xenophobic gimmicks. Forever associated with the Wii U, his failings in the public eye lead to the poor sales of Nintendo's machine. What a bellend.

Favourite part? How the little Rufus Hound face graphics had his trademark beard, whilst the real-life Rufus Hound had shaved his off.

An utterly vain attempt at repeating the success of the humourous ads that Rik Mayall made for The Big N back in the day. It fell flatter than a steamrolled amoeba.

Cappa, this is the pinnacle of GNamer. What a thread.

I'd never seen those videos before, and now, I wish I hadn't. Jesus Nintendo, sack your marketing team.

The one person to vote no is actually Rufus Hound.

I did think that the Mas we see in his videos and hear in the podcasts was actually a paid actor covering for Rufus Hound. This confirms it.

*Groan*

Er, I tried to respond and sum up what's wrong with the approach here, but (a) Cappa already did that superbly, (b) you all know, and (c) it hurts to even think about it.

(Mind you, I don't literally think Rufus Hound stopped the WiiU from being a success. I think most UK gamers would have seen a YouTube thumbnail starring the Somewhat Popular Comedian, twigged what would be presented to them in the videos, and Noped the hell out of there, before trying to absorb any of the information).

I will now spend the rest of the year sulking and resenting The Cappuccino Kid for creating a thread far more entertaining and informative than I ever could.

Seriously, bravo

On a serious note these videos really highlight where Nintendo went wrong with marketing the Wii U, not at any point has the real essence of Wii U been captured in Nintendo's marketing, they got as confused with what Wii U's selling point was as Rufus did when he decided to shave.