Last Retro Game You Finished And Your Thoughts

Wavin' Flag is the best football song ever, it's untouchable. This is the one that comes into my head when I think of the 2010 World Cup game though.

Back on the Christmas games!



DSiWare, I hardly knew thee. With its shutdown imminent there won’t be the opportunity to browse the 3DS eShop for its seasonal tidings next December, so I just had to see what Christmassy stuff it’s got for download while I still can. In about the various extortionately-priced hidden object games was Cake Ninja Xmas, which describes itself as the latest in “very popular game series”. Is it? Was it? Christ knows.

Gangs of gingerbread men lob snowballs at you, and the more snowballs you slice the longer you stay in the game – and the longer you survive snowball onslaught the higher your score. I don’t think Cake Ninja Xmas has an end game, you just swipe the stylus across the screen to chop up snowballs until you get bored, around eight seconds in. Once you’ve filled up a crap-looking meter with crap-looking snow you can retaliate by throwing three crap-looking snowballs of your own. The thing is, the game simply can’t handle the advanced software engineering that would have no doubt been required for a DS to recognise the stylus’s movement to the left and right. Launching a snowball straight ahead actually works (!), but it would be easier to guess the number of hairs on Santa's beard than it would be to guess where your snowballs going to go if you’re doing anything other than flinging it directly in front.

The game’s eShop page says that posting your results online would give you the chance the earn 100,000 Nintendo DSi Points in a contest. How in Greek Buggery would and could you spend 100,000 DSiWare points? That's enough for five hundred copies of Cake Ninja Xmas. Fuck that for a pish laugh. DSiWare, I’m glad I hardly knew thee. 2/10.

If these football reviews have done one thing it's made me want to go back and purchase a load of classics and the 2010 World Cup game is going on that list.

I remember some fun stuff using the camera on DSiware. There was a mini Wario Ware, and that fighting game where you made the sprites from your own photos.

Treesmurf wrote:

If these football reviews have done one thing it's made me want to go back and purchase a load of classics and the 2010 World Cup game is going on that list.

There's so many old football games that are completely anonymous these days, the only thing they had going for them ever was that they were the newest one in a long series. Some are the exception - Pro Evolution Soccer 3 on the PS2 is an example, and I hope these World Cup games are too.

Buskalilly wrote:

I remember some fun stuff using the camera on DSiware. There was a mini Wario Ware, and that fighting game where you made the sprites from your own photos.

"Super Castle Fist Cake!". Never actually played this myself. I'm planning on slurging on DSiWare games before it shuts down, in it's defence it looks like there's some decent stuff hidden away. I won't be downloading the rest of the Cake Ninja games though...

~
Wikipedia says it’s a Christmas game, so it counts!



Do you remember what you were doing on Christmas Eve 2005? I think I was underage drinking in the pub for about twelve hours. However the citizens of Los Angeles were brutally engaged in Twisted Metal, the yearly vehicular combat competition where bloodthirsty drivers battle for a grand prize of anything they desire. Some of these personalities were motivated by money, others by fame, one was sent there on a crime-stopping mission – as a game it’s one that puts a bit of emphasis on character and world-building. Perhaps this is why Twisted Metal endured as a franchise for more than fifteen years when it’s counterparts (such as Destruction Derby and Vigilante didn’t really hang around for long.

It's your typical ‘Cars With Guns’ stuff here. You’re driving around big arenas and collecting weapons off the ground to cause massive damage to your enemies, and that’s basically the extent of it. While not hugely inventive, Twisted Metal is a charmingly basic game that’s a fun look back on what a purpose-built PlayStation game was like in the system’s first year on the market. These PlayStation developers were learning as they were going along, in the earliest year of making software for the hardware. That’s most evident through its control scheme. Using the D-Pad to accelerate and reverse is an unfortunate disregard for the X and Square buttons, and while it’s forgivable seeing as it’s from 1995 it’s more truthfully a bit mince.

I don’t remember Twisted Metal being much of a thing in the UK. I don’t remember playing any demos of it, or seeing it advertised anywhere, or spotting it in either the game shops or the rental stores. I might see what I can get my hands on though, because I liked this first one and they surely improved on it when they mastered the hardware and brought in new ideas. While the original Twisted Metal is a very dated and clunky game that’s got little to do with Christmas, it’s nevertheless a decently entertaining hour-long playthrough. 6/10.

That 'Super Castle Fist-Cake' video is the only thing I know DSiWare for. One of Nintendo's less successful ventures, you'd have to say.

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

Wikipedia says it’s a Christmas game, so it counts!

It also doesn't list Last Window as a Christmas game, so . . .

Balladeer wrote:

That 'Super Castle Fist-Cake' video is the only thing I know DSiWare for.  One of Nintendo's less successful ventures, you'd have to say.

It was just altogether inessential. I never felt like I needed to upgrade from my DS Phat to the DSi for it, there were so few remarkable games for it. As far as I’m concerned Mighty Milky Way is the only must-play that’s still stuck on it.

Buskalilly wrote:

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

Wikipedia says it’s a Christmas game, so it counts!

It also doesn't list Last Window as a Christmas game, so . . .

I’ll be playing through Last Window next year, that was fully in my plans. I didn’t love everything about Hotel Dusk when I played it for the first time earlier this year but it’s really stuck out in my mind. How Christmassy is Last Window? That'll decide if I play it under the tree with a mince pie in December or in the garden with tins when there's the usual Summer games drought.

Didn’t DSiware get a Warioware game and a Shantae? I never used it, but must be some good out of the 400 odd things on it.

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

How Christmassy is Last Window? That'll decide if I play it under the tree with a mince pie in December or in the garden with tins when there's the usual Summer games drought.

It's all about a bunch of people preparing for Christmas in a block of flats about to be destroyed, and it's more heartwarming than that sounds. It literally takes place on Christmas Eve/Night.

I'd say the Turnabout Goodbyes case from Phoenix Wright would be a good one too but Almost Christmas means it isn't Christmas.

Start building up excitement for my Last Window review in December 2023.

~



I’m celebrating Christmas, finishing up for work until January and the World Cup final all at the same time, with Cannon Soccer! I’ve read that Cannon Soccer was a demo disk that was given away with the Christmas 1993 issue of Amiga Format magazine. It’s a mash-up of Sensible Software’s iconic war shooter Cannon Fodder and their affectionately-remembered cult classic football game, Sensible Soccer.

A strange combination right enough but it’s really just what you’d expect. You take your Cannon Fodder squaddies onto the battlefield of a snowy football pitch and help them celebrate Christmas by killing Sensi footballers and blowing up their changing rooms with missiles and grenades. There’s just two missions but they’re not featured in any other Cannon Fodder game that I know of – definitely not the Mega Drive one that I finished last year anyway. I think it’s best looked at as just a nice wee festive bonus, sort of like Christmas NiGHTS is to NiGHTS Into Dreams.

It’s a cool novelty and I don’t doubt it helped sell a few thousand magazines. It’s good stuff, and it’s on Antstream if you’re interested. It’s harder than the coal in your stocking though, and crueller than Santa getting stuck up your chimney. 7/10.

That makes you wonder why video game mash ups aren't more of a thing.

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

It’s harder than the coal in your stocking though, and crueller than Santa getting stuck up your chimney.

It's kind of funny to think these military hard men are struggling to off a team of pampered football players.

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

Balladeer wrote:

That 'Super Castle Fist-Cake' video is the only thing I know DSiWare for.  One of Nintendo's less successful ventures, you'd have to say.

It was just altogether inessential. I never felt like I needed to upgrade from my DS Phat to the DSi for it, there were so few remarkable games for it. As far as I’m concerned Mighty Milky Way is the only must-play that’s still stuck on it.

masofdas wrote:

Didn’t DSiware get a Warioware game and a Shantae? I never used it, but must be some good out of the 400 odd things on it.

I only had a DSi because that was the model I plumped for when deciding to get a DS. I still sort of regret it (I just didn't like the little hand-helds, the Switch is really as small as I want to "game") but actually most of the best DSiWare was music software rather than games. I remember Rytmik had a series of DAWs, and... well I can't remember the other company, so I guess I'm talking bollocks.

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

I’m celebrating Christmas, finishing up for work until January and the World Cup final all at the same time, with Cannon Soccer! I’ve read that Cannon Soccer was a demo disk that was given away with the Christmas 1993 issue of Amiga Format magazine. It’s a mash-up of Sensible Software’s iconic war shooter Cannon Fodder and their affectionately-remembered cult classic football game, Sensible Soccer.

A strange combination right enough but it’s really just what you’d expect. You take your Cannon Fodder squaddies onto the battlefield of a snowy football pitch and help them celebrate Christmas by killing Sensi footballers and blowing up their changing rooms with missiles and grenades. There’s just two missions but they’re not featured in any other Cannon Fodder game that I know of – definitely not the Mega Drive one that I finished last year anyway. I think it’s best looked at as just a nice wee festive bonus, sort of like Christmas NiGHTS is to NiGHTS Into Dreams.

It’s a cool novelty and I don’t doubt it helped sell a few thousand magazines. It’s good stuff, and it’s on Antstream if you’re interested. It’s harder than the coal in your stocking though, and crueller than Santa getting stuck up your chimney. 7/10.

We need a Sensible Software more than ever, I fear.

While Santa and their band of elves are hard at work at the North Pole and getting ready for Christmas, here’s me fannying about with We Wish You A Merry Christmas on the Wii. Everyone in the world has much to look forward to during the month of December and they’ve been getting full of Christmas spirit. And yet here’s me fannying about with We Wish You A Merry Christmas on the Wii.

Situated in a living room that’s decorated for Christmas Day, it’s the festive-themed collection of minigames that you’d mess about with for ten seconds before saying to yourself ‘alright, what’s next?’. There’s a match-three puzzle game with an impenetrable ruleset, a memory game where you make hot chocolates that would get Starbucks closed down in real life, and a present catch game that rips off that old Fire Game & Watch from a hundred years ago - and does it worse. There’s some other shite that I’ve forgotten about while I’m typing and I can’t be arsed Googling them. Just remember that We Wish You A Merry Christmas was a cash-grabbing and low-budget Wii-exclusive compilation of minigames from a third-party developer. You know exactly what you’re getting if you’ve played Game Party, Big Family Games, ‘100001 Games In 1 Megamix!’ or any of that mince.

But like The Grinch steering his sled down Mount Crumpit to restore Whoville's celebrations, I’d say that the activities save Christmas here. Contrasting starkly with what’s a poorly made game, the activities are actually altogether very pleasant. There’s a sticker book to complete, a tree to decorate with baubles that you get from opening the doors on your advent calendar, a hearth that you can ignite and roast marshmallows on, and even an old-timey radio that you can tune into and listen to Christmas carols. You can even write your own letters to Santa, in the same way that you’d write a letter to a villager in Animal Crossing. I asked for beer.

Fair fucks, We Wish You A Merry Christmas successfully creates a homely and cozy atmosphere that made me a feel a little bit more Christmassy. Sure, it’s as poor a videogame as I’ve played this year - and I hope that my presents aren’t as bad as this! -  but it’s quite warm and snug at the same time. That’s got to count for something?   /10

Merry Christmas GNamer!

I've been waiting on reading this review since you teased us with the prospect of it during our ill-fated Mario Party session. I didn't expect a heart-warming Christmas message delivered within it - I was fully expecting a Christmas bawbooting.

Sorry to disappoint - I'll make sure that there's bawbootings all year round in 2023.

We can make allowances for a few days off from bawbootings over Christmas - it's what the baby Jesus would want.

Have you read the Bible Moyles? Baby Jesus would be all about the bawbootings.

I gave Kirby Air Ride a proper go, and here’s my thoughts.

This is a proper cult-classic, seemingly known to only the most hardcore of GameCube and Kirby fans, and even then it’s seemingly been played only by a mere fraction of that tiny subsection of the gaming community. Finding a general consensus about it is difficult as it’s a really polarising and divisive GameCube game that people seem to either love or hate. As for me though, I’m breaking that mould and giving it a massive shrug of my shoulders. Meh. It’s okay.

This came out at a time when Nintendo were trying to simplify their games, around the same time of Animal Crossing, Pikmin and Luigi’s Mansion. Kirby Air Ride arguably takes that philosophy too far, as it’s played with only the analog stick and the A button. You can attack rivals and hoover up enemies with the A button, steer your aircraft with the stick and use both to drift round bends, but that’s as deep as the gameplay gets. That’s pretty much what knackers Kirby Air Ride in its main Air Ride mode. As visually appealing as it looks, as pleasant as it sounds and as friendly and approachable as it makes an effort to be, it’s just colossally dull against the AI. Multiplayer always brings games like this to life, though I feel what Kirby Air Ride boasts in its accessibility is nullified by how vanilla it really is. It’s hard to believe that you and your mates would play this over Mario Kart Double Dash!!.

The game’s other two modes are a little more interesting, though not by much. Top Ride is basically a single-screen top-down view of Air Ride that’s kind of like Super Sprint, just less intuitive. With about half-a-dozen tracks, it’s more of a diversion than a selling point. The last mode, City Trial, is the clear inspiration for Smash Run on Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS. Here, you collect power-ups over a five minute spell that boost your HP, speed, handling, weight and other variables to then compete in a random minigame at the end. There’s good variety in these minigames, like drag races, darts, and even one that’s called Destruction Derby. It’s the best aspect of Kirby Air Ride, but even then it’s cased in a game that I don’t think is all that fantastic.

At least in single player, Kirby Air Ride is a really strange game that never truly satisfies. For how old and rare it is and for what it costs, I don’t know who I’d recommend it to. 5/10.

I would still like it in the collection, but the price and never actually seeing it puts me off.

You're very patient Cappa. I've only ever seen small clips of Kirby's Air Ride, but it always looks amazingly boring - in ways I'm having trouble even describing! Like, if you went off the beaten path it's just frustrating, and if you don't, you might as well not be holding the controller.

I did revisit Dynamite Headdy; it's still a bit messy for my liking (see also: every MegaDrive game {source: old man} ) but I really like the originality; there's a plot I suppose, but basically each level is just an excuse for the devs to plonk in whatever weird idea they had next - it's shot up the old game-o-like-o-meter that's for sure.

Kirby Air Ride is the best advert for emulation that I can think of. It’s too scarce, too pricey and just not worth much of your time. My only memory of seeing it in a shop was about thirty copies of it in an Glasgow HMV bargain bin for £10.99 each. Just think, that £329.70 investment I should have made in 2005 could have comfortanly afforded me Manchester United at it’s $5b value in 2023.

I adore Dynamite Headdy, for that weirdness and originality mainly. It was one of those games I used to shout about and tell everybody I could about it’s brilliance, in a time before it’s appearance was as common as Golden Axe and Ecco The Dolphin.

I've got one (American) friend who constantly insists Air Ride is a classic, but its a rare game that's pricey even in Japan. You've further discouraged me dropping 50 bones on it.