General Cricket Thread (It's Come Home)

Pah, talk about absolutely pathetic. Clarke out for eff all, meanwhile the sky is blue and the Australian cricket team is the most inconsistent team on the circuit.

I suppose I should cut Clarke some slack, but really, 4 for seventy? At this rate they won't even get another sixty runs and take this on to a third day. This is worse than England's last innings last match, an absolute farce at this point.

Good innings by Warner, but ended with a shot that suggested a man who can't be arsed any more. Fair enough really. On the other hand, Steven Finn, eh?

People talk about momentum - this series is a Newton's cradle.

Honestly after seeing both teams struggle to set a meaningful score and a match that will barely get to three days I have to wonder about the quality of this pitch and its preparations.  Last pitch was prepared for a five day match to the point it was a complete batsmens wicket, this one has turned out the complete opposite.

Not that this excuses Australia's shockingly bad batting or lessens England's superb bowling, it just makes me wonder.

Hmmm, nah.  From most of what I understood, England were outdone by poor shots or great balls (Bairstow/Stokes).  Not taking anything away from Moe or Broad, who were going for it at the end, but Root's wicket (well though he batted before that) was abominable.  Likewise Bell's.  Cook's was a massive fluke.  Lyth is just a bit not very good.

The Aussies were outdone by a significant first-innings lead (thanks Broad and Moe) and home advantage.  And Finn, can't forget Finn. (EDIT: Punter thinks that Aus. were just shite.)

It looks like Jimmy's in trouble, though, which is a shame. We'll probably see Broad/Finn/Wood/Moe/Stokes at Trent Bridge.

Honestly I'd have to agree with Ponting there, for all the talk of good play from England and unfamiliar conditions the fact is even factoring those in the team has been bowling and batting very loosely this match, and I think he raises a good point about pressure, the hype coming up to this series was unbelievable. And unbelievably stupid. After the way Australia crushed England last Ashes, coupled with the amazing summer we had (the world cup was one thing, but the first few tests against India were what really impressed me last summer, that they could play that sort of cricket in the wake of their loss was downright inspirational and amazing to watch) built up this almost certainly misplaced arrogance and expectation among the media that this would be the Ashes we'd finally take England out in their own backyard.

I'll admit I was probably a little drawn in to that hype, although I still believe if they played even half as consistently as they are capable of at home they'd have a genuine chance at winning this series, but I've felt for a long while there was too much hype and pressure on this series.


Also yeah, sad to hear about Anderson. His absence will be a big blow, that's for sure, and not one I'm happy about.

I'm surprised to see Australia get that total, at least there's enough runs on the board to make this final day entertaining, even if the result is already basically set in stone. Once again the wagging tail saves them from complete embarrassment, a story that is appearing far too often.

I can't imagine that there isn't something in the conditions. Look at some people who have played brilliantly elsewhere, including under pressure - Adam Voges, for instance. Doesn't seem the sort to get sucked into his own hype. Meanwhile arguably your best batsman, Buck Rogers, is a veteran of the county circuit. (Plays for my county, Middlesex!)

That said, there's no way that the Aussies weren't completely overdoing the hype going into things. I feel that the English got sucked in too (self included), thinking they were going to blow England away. They have one Test out of three, so far.

So, extrapolating, Australia to win by an innings at Trent Bridge; then the entire Australian team to unravel like jumpers caught on a nail at the Oval?

Gather round, everybody: it's Cricketing Poetry Corner!


There was a tall bowler called Finn
Who had been through times thick and times thin
But he bowled on the money
To Smithy, his bunny;
A chance for him to re-begin?

A batsman called Bell, under fire,
Scored two fifties to set his sights higher.
At three did he thrive;
Can he please tell young Lyth
How to drag himself out of his mire?

Mitch bowled with an arm full of might
To the left first, and then to the right;
But despite nervy pokes
From young Bairstow and Stokes
His performance in gen'ral was...

Off sick.  Cricket time.  Wicket's this green: :medusa: Bowling pitch through and through.  Probably like Lord's in that toss decides match.

Torn between desire for an England win, and a final Test decider.  But it'll probably get rained off, such is Sod's Law - so win it is!

Aaaaand that should be it! See you in two years, Athrun, for another whitewash.

This match in a nutshell.

Spoiler:

This has to be close to some sort of record of suckage.  I've never yelled at the tv before today, this goes beyond pathetic, beyond bad.  It's just sad.  I've seen better play from the local rural country town team.  I think I'm honestly glad I missed the first few overs, if I yelled much more I'd probably wake the neighbour up through the flats wall, more than I likely already have at any rate.  

I'll say one thing though, that Stokes catch was something else.



Hmm, this is actually getting close to a record actually.  The lowest score Australia ever got since the modern era was 47, the other two scores worse were in the 1800's.  Shame that it looks like we'll actually beat them, still, if Broad can work some more magic in the next ten runs!




On the ropes? ON them? Nah, this is more like falling and finding the ropes were swapped for a vat of sulphuric acid.

I try to be fairly even-handed in my assessment of cricketing teams.  Can't do it this time.  Australians have been absolutely smiley-poo-emoji.

8 for fifteen, for Australia's most hated player.  Dear oh dear... https://twitter.com/BreatheSport/status/629254832352792577/photo/1



https://twitter.com/bet365/status/629236569258504192/photo/1

I think I just woke the next unit up laughing!    

Remind me to never let McGrath buy me a lotto ticket.  Speaking of which, one could say the batting order matched his best efforts today.
I'll admit I'm going to enjoy seeing the fallout tomorrow when the media here wakes up and realizes that not only were their rampant predictions of whitewashes wrong but Australia has also lost the series.  



On a more serious note I think this match encapsulates a running theme through two of the previous three matches in a very succinct message: Australia is absolutely horrible at playing in different conditions against a competent side.  They just seem completely incapable of adapting to different conditions on any level.  A little amount of rust is expected, but nothing on this scale.

They also seem absolutely incapable of batting properly.  What surprises me most about that is they proved they can bat properly, as evidenced in the second test.  How they went from that to the absolutely shoddy batting of the last two matches is beyond me.  It looked like they'd learned that they need to play more cautiously and not just try to hit the ball no matter what, yet here we are two embarrassing tests later breaking records with awful play.  



On one final note, I can't believe I'm even uttering these words, but get Watson back in the side.  His averages are top tier compared to the farces of the last two matches.



Also, seems I might have been right on the money with my original 4-1 prediction, just got the sides wrong.

Some consolation.  McGrath is the Australian Ian Botham, only a better commentator (he's really good on TMS!).

Also, if you want more things to wake your neighbours up with, check out the BBC live text.  Especially the pictures of inanimate Australian objects. (EDIT: here are the best ones.)


There's a massive discrepancy between practically everyone at home and abroad, bar South Africa and possibly Pakistan (who are absolutely unpredictable everywhere, and also have Yasir Shah).  Australia certainly don't buck that trend.  They beat SA, of course, but the conditions are pretty similar to Australian ones.

The Australian media are amazing.  So, so overconfident and arrogant in their team's success - until they lose, at which point it's torches and pitchforks time.  The players didn't talk themselves up!



Oh.

To be fair, England haven't come close to Australia... after a fashion. The number I've seen on Twitter seems incredible - I'm sure there will be revenge at some point.

Seems to be trending around Britain, for good reason.  Ben Stokes' catch as well.

The home advantage is so obvious, Zero.  Johnson would be smashing through England in Australia.

Balladeer wrote:

Aaaaand that should be it!  See you in two years, Athrun, for another whitewash.

I want to be clear on something: this was typed before a single ball was bowled of this match.

But talking about whitewashes, I seriously think that if the first two pitches had been traditional English ones instead of absolute dreck, we could have had a whitewash here. A greenwash, perhaps, considering the pitches.

ASHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

With apologies to Athrun, but after the whitewash 18 months ago, to win by an innings deserves all-caps 24-size text.

ASHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!



ASHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!





AAAAAAASHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

Honestly the series has been pretty rubbish if I'm honest.  And I'm not talking as a disappointed Australian upset about losing, although I won't deny being a tad bitter about that, but rather about the lack of quality in the matches.  It's a similair feeling I have when a game has a disappointing final boss, or a anime has a lame final battle.  

rant/vitriol spewing:

To put it bluntly, I feel the series was more a case of "Australia lost the series" rather than a case of "England won the series".  The consistent narrative has been Australia's mediocre performance, and England, while very good, weren't dominant in the same sort of sense.  

Having said that the bowling attacks from Anderson and Broad were extremely good and Root was magic to watch.  

Rant/vitriol wave 2:

Having said all of the above, it's clear that England's test team has gone up several levels in the years since the last English Ashes, and they deserve the win.  They played every match besides the second one correctly, every member of the team besides perhaps Lyth did their job extremely well, and ultimately they all played very good cricket.  So for that congratulations England, and I hope you enjoy your well deserved victory.     



Moving on to other Ashes related news, Clarke is officially retiring after the next match.  Not really sure how I feel about that right now, as I can't help but feel this is a bit of a knee jerk reaction possibly born from the emotional turmoil that he has to be experiencing right now.  That said if it's not the right time it's certainly very close, his form with the bat has been awful for a very long time now, and as of this series he is no longer making up for that with excellent on-field captaining.

I just can't help but feel it would be better if he handed the captaincy over in, say, the next summer test series, as I don't feel the heir apparent that is Steve Smith is quiet ready yet.  

Still, it's a shame to see him go and he'll definitely be missed in every sense.  Farewell Captain Clarke, you were a beaut of a player and a captain.  

Going to disagree with you there, on at least two counts.


The first: it's no more fun to watch the cock of the walk dismantling all comers, than it is to see a rubbish side being dismantled.  I'd say it's in fact less fun, especially in cricket: when a great team's batting for ages, crushing their opponents' minds into the dust, nothing of any interest happens.  Fours aren't interesting, sixes barely are, wickets are.  When a team falls apart, that's interesting, because things (wickets) are happening.  And there's also the whole "cheering for the underdog" thing that's why I'll support Bangladesh playing anyone that's not England (or NZ because I like them).

It's the same reason I loathe any voting thread where Mario Galaxy can be voted for: it's so good (apparently) that it crushes all challengers.  And I'm pretty sure that part of the reason you said that, whether you're consciously aware of it or not, is because you grew up with a great Australian team that did crush all comers.  I'm equally pretty sure that they were utterly tedious unless you were Australian.


The second: Australia can't bat in English conditions.  Chris Rogers maybe, with his seasons of county cricket.  Warner in the second innings, for some bizarre reason.  Nobody else.  

You mention Lord's?  Those weren't English conditions.  Clouds cleared away quickly, the pitch was dead.  Nor was Cardiff really.  Those were "maximise revenue/nullify Johnson" (not sure which) conditions, and they were shit.  The team that won the toss batted big and then used scoreboard pressure, but there was nothing for the bowlers otherwise.  If there was, it was uneven bounce, at which point you may as well be playing Russian roulette with a cricket ball.


Was it a rubbish series?  From a non-partisan view, yes, at least once the English pitches were wheeled out and victory stopped pendulum-ing.  (2-2 going into the final match would have been thrilling regardless of how it was achieved.)  

Australia lost, but did England win?  I'd say yes!  You mention some players, but there was Stokes' swing-bowling masterclass, Ali's innings-bolstering lower-order knocks, Bell finally turning up at Edgbaston, some WONDERFUL slip catching, and even some good captaincy from Cook.  Australia were dire (in 3/4 matches), but England were good enough to capitalise (in 3/4 matches).


Finally, a Pom's solemn farewell to Clarke.  Great career, great batsman, great captain.  Shame that his back and his form finally let him down, but he'll have many fond memories to look back on - 2013-14, for one...


Oh, and one last thing - how's your result-predicting friend?

Watching Warne and Mcgrath work magic with the ball each summer was never boring. Fun? Scintillating? Fascinating? That was closer to the mark. With the exception of when England came over anyway, that was actually usually boring. Modern England is far more interesting to watch than retro England were. India were another side I didn't enjoy seeing because there was always the attitude problems with really annoying off-pitch antics that distracted from the actual game.


As for my guy, haven't spoken with him since the Ashes began as he's on a conveniently timed holiday right now, but I'll be sure to rib him over the results when he gets back.

Admittedly I was thinking more of great batsmen. Warne I can well believe - same with some other great bowlers, like Wasim and Waqar. Wasn't McGrath's modus operandi line-and-length-outside-the-off-stump until someone made a mistake? Sounds dull. Impressive results, but dull.

Agreed with off-pitch nonsense, mind. Got no time for that.

In the meanwhile, Australia's women are doing their best to compensate for the men's incompetence.

I see Rogers has confirmed his retirement. Meanwhile Clarke predicts a under 3 day match, which says all that really needs to be said about his belief in his teams potential performance. Also hazlewood is out so what tiny atom sized chance of pulling off a win or draw are essentially dead.

My bet, the match'll last just over two days if Australia bat first, it'll last three to four days if England bat first.

Finally, that moment you realize Warner is now the veteran player in the side...

The Australians seem to have finally learned how to leave! Would you be-leave it? (Also Broad is bowling too short.)

Elsewhere, it's Kumar Sangakkara's last match too. A real great of the game, and apparently a cheeky bugger as well. He will be missed.

A bit early to say they've learned the art of leaving the ball I'd say, Warner and Rogers have consistently been the two batsmen in the side who can actually bat this series. Still it bodes well, maybe this will get to three days after all.


Shame to see Sangakkara go, he's been a great player the times I've had the chance to see him and his team in action. I really need to start following cricket news more closely, this should not be the first I'm hearing of this.

For that, England need not to collapse under a bit of scoreboard pressure! And yes you should.

Australia able to leave far too much this innings. Disappointing from Broad after last game.

It figures the match I can't watch all the way through is the match Australia finally learns how to bat, absolutely lovely news to wake up to this morning.  If England want that history making 4-1 series victory looks like they're going to have to earn it the hard way, as Australia has finally decided to stand up and make them work for their wins.  Maybe this match will actually get to the fourth day after all!



Well that was definitely a fun session, good battle between the bat and the ball with England trying a bit of variety and seeing results while Smith continues to show why he's the next captain of the team.  Not his prettiest innings by any stretch of the imagination, but he's getting the runs despite the uncomfortable pressure and that's what counts when all is said and done.  Also have to mention Moeen Ali's display with the ball, showing us a deadly display of what a spinner can do with some good old magic.  That Johnson dismissal was fantastic. Looking like this is going to be a cracker of a match. Alas it's time to hit the sack, much as I'd like to watch the rest of play.