Dear Daisy, GNamer Romantic Mishaps Thread

Balladeer wrote:

Quiz time, GNamers!  Guess who, on Sunday 3rd May 2015, spent almost the entire afternoon with their current romantic interest (and other friends), including stolen kisses and holding hands in a restaurant; yet concluded this day by coming home and having a panic attack.

Hint: it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Well done on part one. As for part two, don't sweat it. I get panic attacks at both good and bad things. My guess is that is just you sweating over what happens next, hoping it is good, but worried that you may have made some mistakes, which you likely didn't. It passed right? You were fine pretty quickly right? If so, don't worry, you are not alone, it happens to a lot of us. All the best Balla.

OS has pretty much nailed it. It's because this girl is very different to anyone I've dated before (she's younger than me for a start), and it's hard for me to know whether I'm getting it right all the time, or enough of the time to be okay.

Although another major problem was probably having a massive cup of caffeine and sugar, then spending close to three hours sitting down.

Balladeer wrote:

OS has pretty much nailed it.  It's because this girl is very different to anyone I've dated before (she's younger than me for a start), and it's hard for me to know whether I'm getting it right all the time, or enough of the time to be okay.

Although another major problem was probably having a massive cup of caffeine and sugar, then spending close to three hours sitting down.

We almost all suffer self doubt Balla, I really consider it normal, far more normal than we think. Thing is we don't see it frequently in others, but so many do experience it, with panic attacks, but like yours being later at home, we all disguise it to avoid a public humiliation and let it all out when we are alone. A lot of us are unprepared to admit, so we are deluded to its prevalence. The number of times I have had to retreat to the toilet in work experiences, just to get my composure back is a pretty long list.

No words can make it better, you just have to live it. Chances are, she experienced something similar if she wanted it to go well.

Yes, part of me wants to just tell her outright that this is how I'm feeling, because she's said that she really likes me (which makes me worrying feel even sillier!) and is very likely feeling the same way.  But I also feel that, in these early stages, that would be being "too much myself", in Zero's terminology.

I not heard from Final Fantasy girl for a while, so messaged her this morning basically saying I would like to know her better and get a drink or something sometime.

30 seconds later, yeah that sounds great and I'm flattered.

Now I'm confused as when I just tired to talk her about stuff, I got so far then nothing but ask her out for a drink I'm right in there.

It's good that you left it a little while, Mas. That way you don't look too keen or overbearing. If there's one thing I can't stand is someone who texts you incessantly.

Nice one, boss! Fingers crossed for it all going well, and follow Stu's good advice of playing it cool!

Stu_the_great wrote:

It's good that you left it a little while, Mas. That way you don't look too keen or overbearing. If there's one thing I can't stand is someone who texts you incessantly.

Er. I am getting better at this, I swear.

Personally I hate the "play it cool" thing. If someone actually doesn't care enough to text back or doesn't want to engage in talking regularly they probably aren't the right person as far as I see it. I'm probably not the right person to advise, I just find the holding back thing to be a bit too disingenuous.

I'm actually very much up there with you, Andy. I like people who I can talk to, and people who show a bit of enthusiasm for me in return!

I speak from experience of having overbearing admirers, especially right from the off. You've got to build on this in my opinion and I hate it when someone 'burns you out' in the stage where you don't know enough about each other to have a couple of in-jokes, or have a bit more background knowledge.

That might just be me, though.

There is a level of (particularly) texting that is too much, though. You should be enthusiastic and interested, but you must also not panic and text like crazy if you've not received a response in, say, an hour. There's a balance to be struck - too much enthusiasm too soon is scary to some people.

Admin. Triple Combo!

Stu, surely you want to get to know about somebody as soon as possible, to find out whether things are going to work?  At least start up a conversation?  I agree that texts aren't the best approach for that, though.  

Anyway, I don't overtext any more.  I just sit there and panic when the girl doesn't get back to me.

I was on panic mode seeing had heard from her but I thought I'll ask as whats the worse happen NO.

I think we should be fine talking as we got lots in common but 1st date is cinema. Which is muh but we both want to see Avengers.

I've actually learned a lot through this whole thread, and yet the actual thought of plucking up the courage to ask out a girl at work that's been my closest friend there is still lacking.
It's the fear of rejection more than anything which is stopping me from doing this, especially since I'll still need to see her everyday.

Spoiler:

Over do it, you'll definitely stick to your hand

Be upfront about your feelings without expecting anything. Just say "hey, I like you a lot, maybe more than just as a friend, and if you ever wanted to do anything, let me know." That way if she's interested, she knows you are but if she's not, you haven't overdone it and made a friendship awkward. That's the approach I've used with the girl at work and though it hasn't brought me any closer to knowing what's up with her it has also lowed our friendship to continue.

I like Drunka's approach. Sort of thing I'd go for.

Although that said, went for a much more heavy-handed approach with current girl, and (without wanting to boast - okay mebbe a tiny bit) we just had a great evening out! Meal, drink afterwards, lots and lots of anime discussion. Ace!

Now I'm not seeing her again for ages.

If we're gonna start boasting I could mention that I'm in the process of arranging dates with three different girls at the moment...

Drunkalilly wrote:

If we're gonna start boasting I could mention that I'm in the process of arranging dates with three different girls at the moment...

But none of them is the one you want to be on a date with

No, one of them is. We're planning to go see avengers. Haven't actually used the word "date", but it will be nice to spend some time together anyway.
Then there's the girl from school I mentioned a while back, who I'm meeting again next week hopefully.
And finally there's a lass I met through a website I won't be mentioning by name who is pretty keen to get Drunka on the Lilly if you know what I mean.

I think the first two are the better options if your looking for a GF, 3rd for a good time. Hopefully none find out about each other.

I told the mate that kinda bullied me into talking to final fantasy girl as I'm a chicken, today we might be seeing Avengers with asking if I've got a gumshield, which I was kinda shocked about your you don't need one of them to the 3rd date from what big bang has taught me.

Knowing how my life normally goes, they'll probably all get invited to the same party and I'll have to keep disappearing and stopping them bumping into eachother.

Sounds like an 80's sitcom plot, Drunka! Whatever happens, have fun!

I would like to report how the date went and how avengers was but I can't.

Like I said tried talking to once about stuff then nothing then asked her about a drink etc which we chated for a bit and we agreed about avengers with her going to look at times and see if she could get her parents to look after her son.

Which sounded all good she even put a Facebook status about being happy etc right after and going to have to sort of my hair.

Since then I've heard nothing , so I messaged her my number saying if you do want to do something some time just text me. That's all I can do, my mate you know the one by now says she not worth the hassle no matter how much we got in common & gig (yes he says gig like quagmire) she is that she should at least sent a message saying can't do this weekend etc.

Basically I'm so lonely.