The Chuffing Mental Third Anniversary Wii U Voting Thread: Thanks For Playing!

"I'd never given Wind Waker the time it deserved on the Gamecube, but sitting down with the delicious HD version was smashing. It might not have hooked me with the mission at hand the way the two Wii Zeldas did, but the sense of adventure, exploration and a lovingly crafted, living , breathing world brought on by sailing the Great Sea is untouched to this day. What a game."

"I know, it’s a bit cheaty voting for a remake as the best thing ever. But it’s a remake of one of the best games ever, and, in true Nintendo style, makes the time to fix a few things that they didn’t get right first time (other developers with too much pride, take note). Even a little thing like sharing pictobox images on Miiverse was itself a joy. I’m hoping this moves down my list twice in the next year (hint two Zelda games hint), but this is still brilliant."

"My favorite Zelda is sailing high again"

"Take one of the most beautiful games ever, with some gameplay issues.  Solve some of the gameplay issues.  Simple, yet brilliant."

"Ultimately the winner for me has to be the improved definitive version of Wind Waker."

Well, this is a surprise.  In the first birthday vote, this came fifth, below not just SM3DW, RL, and P3, but also NSMBU.  Suddenly it's up in fourth, above all of those.  I'd only acquired it after that vote, and Athrun didn't have a Wii U at that point: things I suspect helped make the difference.  Scrap Athrun's first place vote, indeed, and the game collapses to 9th.

Not that its placing was ever in doubt.  In a sort of anti-Shovel Knight moment, WWHD got all but three of its points from the first four people to submit votes, meaning that for a while it was looking like a runaway winner.  Fortunately that wasn't the case.

"Fortunately"?  Don't get me wrong, I voted for this - it took my fifth place.  Great game made better (the Fast Sail is a godsend).  3D Zeldas are en masse some of the best games ever, and this one is arguably the most epic in scope.  Not to mention a thing of absolute beauty.  But like Jay in his DS vote, I wouldn't have been happy with a port/remake/remaster/whatever they're calling them nowadays getting the top spot.  

So I'm completely happy with this game's placing.  Celebrated, yet not robbing a genuinely new game of a podium spot.  Good job team!

Celebrity Guest Christopher Columbus





"I'm sorry, that's cheating.  Not only does the boat tell him where to go, he can also change the wind direction?  And it's always blowing?  If you haven't spent days at sea with the wind doing absolutely nothing, living off your own urine and toenails, you're no proper explorer.  And did La Santa María tell me where to sail to find the East Indies WHICH I DEFINITELY DID BY THE WAY?  No, no she did not.

"Nor did the young cabrón make good use of the islands he found.  Where was the kidnapping and subjugation of natives, the rape of their women, the forcing of Christianity upon them?  Nowhere.  What a waste.

"Thus I petition the Spanish crown to let me make an expedition to The Great Sea.  If nothing else, I can bring back grass that produces money when cut, and some new and interesting species of pig."

"50+ characters, 20+ stages, eight-player Smash, Duck Hunt Duo, event matches, the Master Fortress, plenty of DLC, 60fps, Shulk, the Destroyed Skyworld track, Trophy Rush, more music than you can shake a flute at, and the Koopalings.  Will keep you going for years on your own, until the next game comes out with friends.  Sometimes, bigger is better, and this is the biggest, best game on Wii U."

"It’s not a radical departure from the Super Smash Bros. heritage, but the surprise here is that they’ve actually gone and bettered Melee. A genuine Nintendo classic."

"Where else can I beat seven shades of shit out of those fire emblem characters? Shame there's no fatalities though."

One of those games that was always going to place.  And why not?  It's simply massive, and has only been growing more as Sakurai and his team pump out DLC for it.  It'll last you for literally years with friends.  

What's more, as one commenter suggested, the actual gameplay is a huge improvement on Brawl.  Brawl slowed things down after Mêlée, made everything a bit darker, and (for some unknown stupid reason) introduced random tripping.  SSBU sped things up again, scrapped tripping, and made everything a fair bit prettier and more colourful.  There's nothing in here to match the SSE, sadly; that aside, unless you're a massive Snake fan, this is an out-and-out replacement for one of the Wii's finest games.

But that's also why, even though this was my first place by a large margin, I'm not too upset that the forum didn't agree.  SSBU will be replaced by whatever the NX Smash game is.  And that's okay, because by that point I'll have clocked up hundreds of hours and downloaded tonnes of DLC to extend the game's life further.  But given that the game is, most likely, going to be a historical footnote in five years or so, maybe it doesn't deserve to crown the poll.

A fantastic game either way, though.

Celebrity Guest King K. Rool





"I don't want to talk about it.

"Look, it's fine, alright, I get it.  I haven't been in a game for monkeys' years now, 'part from a baseball game and the one with the pegs.  There are bigger better antagonists than me.  And if they were going to include someone from my series, it would probably have been another of those damn dirty apes.  Perhaps the one with a beard.

"Because, y'know, a 100-year-old gorilla is a better choice than the one recurring villain of the series up until now.  In the same way that an anime swordsman with no ties to this stupid company is.

"It's fine, whatever."

"A short but sweet singleplayer campaign explored the game mechanics wonderfully, with a derservedly award-winning world, great characters and wonderful visuals. After that, all you've got is one of the best multiplayer experiences on any machine ever. I have no doubt whatsoever in my mind that I'll still be popping Splatoon into the disk slot as long as I own my Wii U. A fantastic, unique little game that makes excellent use of everything the machine has. Fun!"

"Easily my most-played Wii U game, 8 is the fastest, prettiest, most perfectly tuned Mario Kart ever made. I've never really cared about Battle Mode, so for me this couldn't really be better. I won't stop busting this out when I have friends over until Mario Kart 9."

"How will they improve on this?  Better battle mode, I suppose, but the track design, the music, the zero-G bits, and the DLC – excellent.  A top game, in my top ten of all time."

"I'm Kid now, I'm a Squid now"

"Into a genre obsessed with kill streaks and headshots strides Splatoon, with its obsession with spill streaks and headsplats. Paintball may not excite hardcore shooterists but slap on the genius idea of allowing your characters to speed through the ink it's just sprayed ranks as one of Nintendo's most simple-yet-genius idea since the ability to turn Link into a painting in A Link Between Worlds. Fab stuff."  [More like "An Ink Between Worlds"  Eh?  Eh!?]

"Mario Kart Wii felt a bit “flimsy” in terms of its challenge. Mario Kart 7 felt like the ideas were running a little dry. But Mario Kart 8 pulled it out of the bag; the most fun I’ve had on the Wii U with multiplayer (both local and online), and in wonderful HD. Very few duff tracks, with even the retro courses spruced up a treat. Offering the DLC nearly a year in advance seemed a bit off, but then when it arrived… wowsers. Nintendo have been given some stick recently for the “slimline” offerings of Mario Tennis et al, but the extra tracks were super-generous, and a clear example of what people should do with DLC (that is to say, evaluate the game you’ve just released and think about what else it could have had). Only downside: Baby Rosalina – ?"

"Mario Kart Wii was so bloated and bike-filled that I held out little hope for this, especially when it was announced that you could drive up walls and so on. "What will that add?" I thought. It's true that it doesn't add much in and of itself but the mechanic that means hitting something/someone gives you a speed boost rewrites the game briefly. The tracks are also lovely, though the road is still slightly too wide to truly excite. Oodles of lovely DLC also push this one up the rankings."

"The best Mario Kart ever, and the best reason there was to keep faith in the Wii U."

"Top fun multiplayer, nice little singleplayer and the amiibo bought some fun challenges to the table. I just wish I could play more of it."

"What? A new IP from Nintendo? What? What? What? What? Wha*continues for 5 minutes…* When it was first announced at the last E3, it initially seemed to me to be a distant, quirky, throwaway idea; but it’s evolved into the freshest (see what I did there?) shooter there has been for a long time. Initially wafted with faint praise but concern from critics about its light content, Splatoon is a brilliant example of what Nintendo do with online play and content updates. And I’m actually not terrible at it."

"When it comes to the retail side of things this is just head and shoulders above the rest for me, great single player and fantastic online multiplayer which is still being constantly added to and improved upon.

It's just the BEST!"

I couldn't have engineered this better if I'd tried.  Two games, same points, same firsts.  One the best game in a long-running much-loved franchise, the other not just a new IP, but in a genre that's almost new to Nintendo as well.  One I've played, one I haven't.  Both of which have at least one Stage 1 win under their belts.  Both of which have highlighted some of the more positive aspects of Nintendo this generation: a much improved online, and very worthwhile DLC, both paid and free.  And together, in the fact that neither got over 90%, conclusive proof (were it needed) that Metacritic is bollocks.

They're our favourites by quite a way, too.  Places nine to three were all within a ten-point range.  These two had thirteen points on third place!

There's not really much to say about MK8, though, is there?  Great racing, great tracks, great gimmick, great DLC, arguably a shame about the character roster (but Link and Villager!).  Can Splatoon really have been said to be as good as it, though?  The quirky little shooter with the hentai-inviting premise?  Maybe I've miscounted the points...

Celebrity Guest Phoenix Wright (music link!)





"Your Honor, please!  The defense's evidence has already shown Splatoon's myriad qualities."

 "Ah, but of course, Wright!  ...er, would you care to remind the court what those qualities were again?"

 "(He's forgotten already?  You gotta be squidding me!)"

"Yes Your Honor.  As the GNamer witness testimonies have shown, Splatoon combines a quirky and interesting, almost puzzle-like, single-player with what is quite simply one of the best online multiplayers there is.  The idea of combining paintball with a method of speeding through the ink laid, then giving it a "capture-the-territory"-style twist, was one of sheer genius.  It also won the Best Sound Award, Inkopolis won the Best World Award, and it placed in both the Visuals and Wii U Use awards."

 "Oh yes, I remember now!  It's almost like that one time when my granddaughter took me to paintball.  Not only did I lose, but I got paint all up in my beard!"

 "(Your Honor, unless your granddaughter was a squid at the time, I hardly think this is relevant...)"

 "Well, I'm instantly convinced.  I'm happy to pronounce the defendant, Splatoon..."
























 "Your Honor, we've already proven that Mario Kart 8 is a perfect game.  Its track design and zero-gravity racing have charmed the hearts of millions, and its online works like an absolute charm.  Unless the defense can prove that Splatoon is perfect likewise..."

"...this trial is over!"

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

 "(He's right!  I can't prove that Splatoon is perfect, not after the debate over its music.)"

 "(...but maybe...  If I turn it around...)"

"Your Honor, the defense cannot contest the prosecution's statement.  Splatoon is not a perfect game."

"A rare shred of sanity from you, Wright?  I'm impressed.  But also, almost... disappointed."

"However!  The defense will instead present evidence that shows that Mario Kart 8 is not a perfect game!"

"That's more like the Phoenix we know and tolerate.  No such evidence exists!"

 "Time for you to put your money where your mouth is, Wright, or be penalised.  What is this evidence that Mario Kart 8 is not a perfect game?"


"That's..."

 "...Mario Kart 8's battle mode!"

 "If the prosecution contests that Mario Kart 8 is perfect, then what's this travesty for a battle mode doing in the game!?"

"NGOOOOOOOOOH!"




















"With Prosecutor Edgeworth currently hospitalised, following trauma resulting from your entirely foreseeable ability to turn this trial around, I have no choice but to hand out a verdict.  This court finds the defendant, Splatoon..."


"...of being any worse than Mario Kart 8!"