Kirby's rumour buffet!

My take on Zero's rumour is slightly different...

Spoiler:

Tatsumi Kimishima is to use this Friday's Switch presentation to announce his entry into the Royal Rumble.

In another sign that Nintendo's a bit more relaxed about religious content than it used to be, the Rabbids game rumoured for the Switch reveal will feature the Rabbids acting out a scene from the early bits of the Bible.

It'll be called, 'Rabbid Eve in A Thing Called Love'.

In lieu of any Nintendo print magazines, Nintendo will be pushing the Switch by putting Yoshiaki Koizuma on the cover of Playgirl. And Playboy.

Pokémon Moon and Paper Mario: Color Splash have been shortlisted for Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards this year, and the gossip is that they're to win in the 'Best Selling Game' and 'Worst Selling Game' catagories respectively.

Rumour has it that Tatsumi Kimishima's alter ego, Satsuma Kimishima, will star in a pre-Switch-launch Direct, advertising Fruit Ninja Switch. It's exactly the same game as on 'phones but it costs £29.99.

He looks so good in his ninja costume, muscles rippling, sly smile, fruit juices dripping down his brow, that Drunka drops a £30 pre-order then and there.

The success of Fire Emblem Heroes has prompted Nintendo to add in a microtransactions "character summoning" function to Super Mario Run. You can spend mushrooms to have the chance to buy different characters with different leaping abilities.

Nintendo are encouraging use of this feature by replacing the currently playable Mario with Mario from the live-action movie. He can't jump, and he stops after five paces to catch his breath.

Hackers have data-mined Horizon: Zero Dawn ahead of launch and discovered it is literally Far Cry Primal with a texture change.

Drunkalilly wrote:

Hackers have data-mined Horizon: Zero Dawn ahead of launch and discovered it is literally Far Cry Primal with a texture change.

I F'ing hope not as it be a w%*k Ubisoft game #shitubisoftgameforwankers #shitubisoftgameforwankers

Show me on the doll where Ubisoft touched you, Mas.

That is a sweet doll there.

JayMoyles wrote:

Is that a moustache or a mouth?

Konami are releasing an arcade Bomberman game. You play as a super kawaii desu moe bombergirl, whose clothes disintegrate as she gets injured.

Wait, hang on...

I thought there was a silent pact that we would never post real things in this thread.

I'm still not entirely sure whether it's real or not. On the one hand, it's absolutely chuffing bizarre, more so than our most depraved rumours - but on the other, it is Konami. Guess we should just feel lucky it's not a pachinko machine.

Oh for crying out loud. I don't know whether we should be on mas's #FucKonami wagon, or should be purchasing more copies of regular Bomberman to shepherd them down that path instead. I'll stick with the latter for now, but I'm keeping an eye on them there.

Anyway sorry rumours
Er...




Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, with the original version's DLC packed-in, will itself be receiving further DLC, including, as Martin Kitts predicted in 2006, the World War II track.

The_Jaster wrote:

JayMoyles wrote:

Is that a moustache or a mouth?

Jas has inadvertently confirmed a rumour I'm about to break in this thread - Ubi's break from the Assassin's Creed series wasn't to tighten up the design and freshen up the stale AC formula, but to secure Tom Selleck in the role of Italian Assassin Moustachio Beardicci.

Rumours of a new Trauma Center game have reached the ever-watchful ears of the GNamer Forum Rumour Mill Team. Given the fantastic opportunities now possible with the HD Rumble packed into every Joy-Con, Atlus believe they can take the player closer to the surgery than ever before. As it's the first new entry in the series for some time, there's a name change on the cards: say "Hello" to 1-2-Stitch.

To be followed up by:

• A Nintendogs game where the 'playable' characters are all female;
  
• WarioWare's Ashley getting her own game, at last;
  
• In stark departure from Nintendo's usual material, a stealth game where you infiltrate a prison, and must report on the inmates' activities without them noticing. Failure to do so results in violent bloody prison justice.

I hope you're proud of yourself Zero.  You caused this.

Then in 2019 and beyond:

• A game about the property ladder, where you use start with lots of money and make more
  
• A slightly pared down version of FIFA, with no players, referee, stands or ball
  
• A whole game set in Super Mario Bros' minus world and starring Missingno
  
• A sports game set in the Wizarding World of JK Rowling

Balladeer wrote:

I hope you're proud of yourself Zero.  You caused this.

Always. Always proud of contributions to this thread.