Kirby's rumour buffet!

Also by rabbit Nintendo fanboys, who are also known to enjoy salads.

Can't believe I missed that one.

Some last-minute NX rumours prior to its reveal:

• The NX will indeed be a hybrid... of a GameCube and a swordfish.  The buttons are imprinted into the fins.  
  
• Real name: Nintendo Super Wii.
  
• Breath of the Wild to run with 4k graphics at 5fps.
  
• Nintendo have seen how much we love VR, so they're bringing back the Virtual Boy in place of a screen.
  
• Will cost £400, or you can trade in yer nan where she'll be put to work knitting clothes for homeless Wii Us at Christmas time.
  
• Rufus Hound on the box.

In the upcoming Pokémon Sun, legendary lion Pokémon Solgaleo learns Spike Cannon at level 18.  The spikes come from [REDACTED].

The whole thing's a mistake. It's supposed to be Nintendo Swatch. It's Nintendo getting into the Smartwatch market. Smartwatches. That's what it is. Someone fix this.

Rumours suggest that Bethesda are refusing to confirm their involvement in Skyrim for the Nintendo Switch as they're not actually making it; it's really RCMADIAX who is making it. Agreeing with this, murmurs from Eurogamer West Africa are telling me that Skyrim Switch is going to be a £1.29 eShop download that Nintendo Life have already given 2/10.

At least the Switch will get some support then

Tomorrow's Animal Crossing Direct will reveal that you can invite some of Nintendo's icons to live in your village. Samus will be a relatively quiet villager, for example, whereas Pit will be much more outgoing. Brave players will be able to bring Wario to their village, whose garlic breath and explosive farting may not prove popular with your current fellow villagers!

The culmination of that storyline being a million bells winner-takes-all no-holds-barred cage fight between Wario and Tom Nook.

ZeroJones wrote:

Tomorrow's Animal Crossing Direct will reveal that you can invite some of Nintendo's icons to live in your village. Samus will be a relatively quiet villager, for example, whereas Pit will be much more outgoing. Brave players will be able to bring Wario to their village, whose garlic breath and explosive farting may not prove popular with your current fellow villagers!

Hey, did you see that Zelda Amiibo thing, with Epona etc.? These aren't supposed to be real, Zero!

I can't help it if my satire ends up having a grain of truth in it!

Rumour has it that there are no rumours left, as Eurogamer have confirmed them all.

...but aren't we actually Eurogamer's secret source?

To plug the gap between Paper Mario: Color Splash and Breath Of The Wild, Nintendo will shortly announce a new eShop title... SNES Remix! Play all your favourite SNES games - and Kirby's Dream Land 3 - in new and exciting ways. Remix challenges will be much more seamless: one early challenge features a Pilotwings parachutist aiming for a kart that you race to a Zelda dungeon whose boss is a Tetris Attack stage.

amiibo compatibility confirmed.

Following the leaking of the tracklist for Kanye West's next album - and that all the tunes are named after Wii games such as Red Steel 2 and Rabbids Go Home - rumours are surfacing about a hidden, bonus song called 'Chicken Shoot', which is said to be just twenty minutes of fart noises down a microphone.

No! Twenty minutes of Kanye speaking!?

(grabs and runs off with low-hanging fruit)

This just in from a reliable* source, the Nintendo Switch will come with the following attachments:
> Cup holder
> Glove Compartment
> Tracking device
> Telescopic sights
> Radar missile defence system
> 16 spare analogue sticks

Seems like a pretty cool list of extras, I'll probably get the telescopic sights and a cup holder, the other tings seem borderline superfluous to be honest. What are your thoughts?

*haha, not really.

Next week's Nintendo Switch presentation is to be a silent forty minute broadcast of Laura Kate Dale's head bouncing around the four sides of a screen, in the style of the old DVD screensaver. No cost for the Switch, accompanying launch titles or indeed launch dates will be annouced by Nintendo on January 12th as these will be made public knowledge beforehand.

Source: Laura Kate Dale.

The rumours of a Dark Souls trilogy for the Nintendo Switch are true. However, The Big N are concerned about their traditionally younger audience playing something with such a hardcore reputation in the gaming community, so all the characters will be replaced by dogs (you have by now reached the punchline). The development team are currently frantically trying to pun up their characters' names:

I don't know if any of these will constitute spoilers but I've done my research and by 'eck I will be showing it off:

Say "Hello, who's a good boy?" to the Bark Souls Trilogy.

Zero, the bit in Dark Souls where I had to kill a good dog was already the most heartbreaking bit of gaming I've ever endured, don't add even more

Oh, in Bark Souls, none of the bad dogs die. You just pack them off to obedience training schools. The ending is very heartwarming.

20/10, must buy, GOTFE.

Coincidentally, 20/10 is the projected release date.

Shut it down folks Zero has won.