Dear Daisy, GNamer Romantic Mishaps Thread

@Mas: I wouldn't jump right in with another invite. Just talk to her and ask her if it can be done naturally.

Admission No. 1: I have joined a dating site.

Admission No. 2: I am spectacularly bad at it.

Sending messages to random strangers who may or may not want to give me more than half a glance is very far from my forte.  If I have a forte where romance is concerned, it's being generally fairly interesting/amusing, making some poor girl fancy me, then not noticing it for weeks, even months.  But at least at that point I know the person, and am comfortable enough not to completely freak out when talking to them.

Er, so.  Anyone got any tips for messaging members of the attractive sex on OkCupid or similar?

My experience was with mysinglefriend.com and that works on the basis that your friends write your profile, saying how ace you are.

As for message sending, I remember reading that you should be sending twenty a week. I was more modest, managing about six or seven. Pick up something from the person's profile and mention it in your first message - never, ever use a stock first message.

The best advice I ever got (although this does refer to a first date, but can still be applied, I feel) was "Be yourself, but not too much". At any rate, good luck and good skill.

"Hey bbz wuu2, wb x"

Thanks Zero!  (Not so much Smurf. )  I'm having problems with the regular message-sending at the moment, because I may be verging on desperate but I am also incredibly picky.  And it's surprisingly rare to find someone I have a hobby in common with.  I would never use a stock first message, mind.

I shall persevere!  Not many other options at the moment...

I've never really gone in for online dating; I personally have always had relationships which bloom from a friendship, and I prefer that kind of thing. Not to say I would never consider it; I've certainly done a fair bit of tinder swiping in my day but it's always been more of a laugh than something I actually expect to meet someone through.

I haven't posted much in here recently because I'm actually very happy in this department, even if things are moving at a glacial pace.

I've tried dating sites but I've never had to much luck with them, I prefer Drunka's method but I do end up being friend zoned most of the time though.

Oh don't get me wrong, I much prefer meeting people in person. But I'm not really meeting many new people at the moment, there's no one in my social circle currently who is both feasible and catches my eye, and I'M SO LONELY... so I need to do something.

Drunkalilly wrote:

I haven't posted much in here recently because I'm actually very happy in this department, even if things are moving at a glacial pace.

'Glacial pace' is very underrated, in my opinion. It might be slow, sure, but you can't stop a glacier.

That's a nice thought.
Yeh, like I said, I'm very happy. I remember when I was feeling a bit put out I said maybe she's just shy and I was right. Me and this lassie are texting all the time, getting on like a house on fire whenever we're together and she seems to think it's inevitable as much as I do, from what she's said to other people. She's just a very shy, awkward person so I'm being very careful not to pressure or upset her and to do everything at her pace and it seems to be working well.

Jealous as all hell, but good on you, old chap. Hope it goes well.

I don't necessarily want to sound old school here , but if you want to meet people, surely getting out and socialising is still the best way? I believe relationships are organic, in that they happen naturally, over time; they catch you by surprise. You shouldn't socialise just to find a relationship, you socialise to enjoy yourself and a potential relationship is a pleasant by-product. We get this from work, but in our changing lives that isn't as prevalent as before. We still can get that through joining clubs that interest us. People still have clubs right? Perhaps they are more loose affiliations today. You need to grow your network to increase the probability of finding a soulmate, or perhaps just some casual sex.

You ARE that person someone else out there is looking for, help them find you. Don't kick yourself if you read body language badly, most of us do. I was terrible at it in my youth (I am still surprised I managed to have a 38 year and counting relationship). If a person is really interested in you, they may just ramp up the flirting to get your attention (as my partner did - I had no idea). Take risks. Sure, none of us like making a dick of ourselves, but we get over it, just avoid making a dick of yourself online - that shit will haunt you for life.

Like I said, getting out and meeting people is always going to be my preferred approach to this whole "thing". Trouble is, while it's worked well enough for me in the past, it hasn't turned up anything recently. I'll still be trying to go out and meet people in person, though: online is a last resort.

Although I did relatively recently do pretty much what you described in your last paragraph: someone I'd known for over year said, "I really like you," and we had a date, and it was wonderful. Then she buggered off down to Dorset.

oldschool wrote:

...or perhaps just some casual sex.

Move to Dorset mate.

Dorset you say

Balladeer wrote:

oldschool wrote:

...or perhaps just some casual sex.

What's wrong with casual sex? .... he asks, admitting that he has never had casual sex, ever, and doubts even if he was single he ever could.

For me, Balla is being quite smart; trying other avenues when one is not working so well is generally a good idea.

oldschool wrote:

What's wrong with casual sex? .... he asks, admitting that he has never had casual sex, ever, and doubts even if he was single he ever could.

Hoo boy. First, let me say that I have no "moral" objection to casual sex. As long as both/all parties are capable of informed consent, and take adequate precautions, it's their business what they get up to. I'm pro the legalisation of prostitution, and very anti s**t-shaming (despite one slip-up regarding Drunka on Skype ).

But... I really really don't like it. I've got a variety of reasons for this, of varying degrees of rationality. Dunno how much a Catholic upbringing impacts on this.

And then there's the fact that even if I didn't despise it, I probably couldn't have it. I'd probably end up trying to make something serious of it afterwards, and irritating the woman in question. Either way, fairly sure I'd feel horrible afterwards.

I've not exactly had many opportunities to prove my mettle: in fact, exactly two. But both times I said no.

On the rare occasions I've indulged in casual sex, it's not really been something I'd recommend. The good thing about sex is the feeling of connection with someone you love, not the physical act (for me at least). I had a brief liaison with a friend who was more interested in me than I was her, which actually made me more depressed rather than less (it was on the rebound of a relationship about 5 years ago) and I've had one or two actual one night stands which were just awkward and not even enjoyable.

Like Balla learned the hard way, I hate the word slut and appreciate anyone's choice to sleep with whoever they want. For me, personally, though, I prefer a real relationship. Luckily, I'm a big romantic idiot who falls in love at the drop of a hat.

Also, I hope I didn't come across as putting the Balls Man down for turning to online dating; I'm well aware that I'm a party animal  who meets more people than the average and who has the rare gift of seeing the best in everyone I meet. If I went too long without feeling anything for anyone,  I'd definitely have a proper stab at the online game.

Drunkalilly wrote:

The good thing about sex is the feeling of connection with someone you love, not the physical act (for me at least).

So much of this.

Drunkalilly wrote:

Also, I hope I didn't come across as putting the Balls Man down for turning to online dating; I'm well aware that I'm a party animal  who meets more people than the average and who has the rare gift of seeing the best in everyone I meet. If I went too long without feeling anything for anyone,  I'd definitely have a proper stab at the online game.

Nah, you didn't - which I'm glad about, because I'm still getting over the "doing this online means I've failed at dating in real life" feeling. But every part of the underlined bit does not apply to me, so what's a man to do?

I'm starting to send more messages now, and got my first one in return. Granted, it was just asking whether the animal I'm holding in my picture is indeed a wombat - but it's something.

I gave up on online dating a while ago. I may try again at some point, but I didn't have much luck. I didn't even ask anyone out on a date on it.

I did end up meeting someone recently that I like. Well, I've known her for a while but I never properly spoke to her until recently. She's my sister's best friend. Anyway, I spoke to my sister and she said to talk to her more, so I did. I eventually did ask her out, but she said that she wasn't interested.

Still, we've become pretty good friends since then.

I personally don't get the concept of casual sex simply because for me, my emotional centre wouldn't allow for it. I have had opportunities, not many I might add, but ones I ran a mile from. Keep in mind I have been with the same lady since we were 17, and I would never contemplate damaging that relationship. What other people do is not my concern though, so I don't judge as I don't care.

As for online dating, whilst I find the idea foreign to me, my eldest daughter is married to a man she met online and on another continent - he moved from San Diego to marry her and become an Australian. I had to deal with the 'looks' when that back story was mentioned. People are very judgey. They met through an online game when they were about 12. Love will find its way no matter if it is meant to be.

So good luck with your endeavours Balladeer and I hope you do find what you are after. Don't mind me, I am more the tactile type who doesn't really get the digital romance world. Much of seems horribly alien to me.

You mentioned the wombat - we have a wombat joke about casual sex:

Q: What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male?
A: The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.

I believe the English version is shoots rather than roots, which of course is our slang for intercourse, in case you didn't know.

I'm aware of the term "root" only as a result of this video.

Drunkalilly wrote:

I'm aware of the term "root" only as a result of this video.

Oh dear lord, what did you just make me watch! I was just going to bed and that will haunt me all night long!