| Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread | |
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+3Crumpy Andy Balladeer JayMoyles 7 posters |
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Should we write about established characters in an established setting? | Yes! | | 0% | [ 0 ] | Established characters in an original world | | 33% | [ 2 ] | Original characters in an established world | | 0% | [ 0 ] | No - totally original idea! | | 50% | [ 3 ] | Let's write about Buska going for a pint | | 17% | [ 1 ] |
| Total Votes : 6 | | Poll closed |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 17:57 | |
| I'm sure Hiero has all sorts of robot parts around his room.
Beemoh, do you think you're going to be able to get something up by tomorrow? Truth be told, I'm wondering whether we shouldn't delay things a bit further - I know that Jay's under a cloud of exam-related gloom at the moment, and I wouldn't be surprised if ZJ (in his role as teacher) and Andyman were in similar positions. When do people's exam seasons end? |
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Crumpy Andy Zeta Metroid
Posts : 4921 Points : 4933 Join date : 2013-01-15 Age : 32 Location : The South
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 18:22 | |
| A delay would certainly suit me, my exams end around the 20th of May. |
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 19:13 | |
| Mine end on May 19th. Would a delay suit folk then? |
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beemoh Koopaling
Posts : 2007 Points : 2050 Join date : 2013-01-15 Age : 39 Location : Writing and arithmetic
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 19:49 | |
| - Balladeer wrote:
- Beemoh, do you think you're going to be able to get something up by tomorrow?
TBH, I've totally lost the narrative and I don't think I'm going to find it again. |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 20:01 | |
| ...Does that mean you're dropping out for good? |
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beemoh Koopaling
Posts : 2007 Points : 2050 Join date : 2013-01-15 Age : 39 Location : Writing and arithmetic
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 20:06 | |
| Pretty much, yes- sorry folks. |
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 20:38 | |
| No worries beemoh - cheers for contributing as much as you did. |
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Buskalilly Galactic Nova
Posts : 15082 Points : 15260 Join date : 2013-02-25 Age : 34 Location : Nagano
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 26 Apr 2014 - 22:13 | |
| That's a shame. I hope you'll give it a read when we're done.
If everybody wants to wait until May 20th, I don't have a problem with that. Then we can jump in with lots of energy! |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sun 27 Apr 2014 - 9:41 | |
| Seems like it'll be Drunkalilly chiming in on the 20th onwards, then.
Thanks for what you've done, Beemoh. For the rest of us: do we think that there's a bit too much mystery going on, that makes the plot hard to follow? I don't want anyone else to drop out because the cast's antics are too hard to keep up with! |
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Buskalilly Galactic Nova
Posts : 15082 Points : 15260 Join date : 2013-02-25 Age : 34 Location : Nagano
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sun 27 Apr 2014 - 9:43 | |
| I'm alright with it as is. If we start making executive decisions, we lose the fun of cumulative GNamer nonsense. |
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ZeroJones I'M SO LONELY
Posts : 10465 Points : 9425 Join date : 2013-01-15 Age : 44 Location : North Midlands, England
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Mon 28 Apr 2014 - 16:49 | |
| Whilst reining in on the madness would be, well, madness, I have been struggling to keep track of it all. A delay would be great whilst exams are on (I have interest in examinations until June 13th), too. |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Wed 21 May 2014 - 10:41 | |
| So have Andy and Jay finished with their exams? (I know that ZJ's still knee-deep in them.) If so, I'm wondering whether it's time to start stoking the furnaces under the old girl again? Would hate to see her start to rust. |
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Crumpy Andy Zeta Metroid
Posts : 4921 Points : 4933 Join date : 2013-01-15 Age : 32 Location : The South
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Wed 21 May 2014 - 11:41 | |
| Exams are over for me and I'm raring to go. |
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Wed 21 May 2014 - 13:07 | |
| Yep, I'm all wrapped up. Perhaps we should have a refresher post of sorts so we can all remember what's actually going on? |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Fri 23 May 2014 - 21:52 | |
| Okay, I'll try and summarise at least the first two rounds of posts this weekend. Maybe the summaries can go into the OP of this thread? |
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 24 May 2014 - 0:20 | |
| Sounds like a plan to me! Shall we aim to get this rolling again on the 1st or 2nd of June? |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 24 May 2014 - 18:31 | |
| I'm ready when everyone else is! Please do critique the summary below. I'm sure I've missed some important things out. - Summary of first two 'rounds':
Prior to the story, Lucia Velli meets up with her brother Luka in a tavern. They’ve not been on good terms, due to Luka’s earlier dangerous plots and an as-yet unrevealed unpleasantness with “father”. (If that refers to their real father, he’s dead now. The rest of the Velli family are all dead.) Together, they plot to steal something from the Royal Palace, situated on the Island of Kings, at the Winter’s Ball. Behind a door in that palace, locked with a key the King keeps on his person, is an undescribed item known as the MacGuffin.
“Guests” to this ball include Lucia, because Luka “arranged” for her to attend; a masked man, who gets past palace guard Dick (who probably votes UKIP) without producing an invitation; Charles “Chuck” Eagle, reluctant heir to the Eagle Magic Technologies empire; and other notables. Luka is already in, having snuck in using a supply cart. Head Servant Ronald Harrison is in charge of setting up the seating.
At the party, Lucia has convinced the head housekeeper (presumably a different person to Harrison) to strengthen the wine. She mingles, pretends not to see her brother, and clutches a locket containing a key in her cleavage. Chuck misses his books, downs drinks and heads quickly to the lavatory. Luka hides himself in a servant’s quarters. Outside, Dick and his young partner shiver; the former is armed with a spear for show, a sword and a lightning gun, none of which are any defence against the charms of a couple of lady vampires.
Harrison discovers a small black box in the kitchen. Leaving his deputy Cooper in charge, he goes to his friend Hieronymus, the King’s Chief Engineer, for advice; the box astonishes Hieronymus, who hasn’t seen one in years. In the absence of any serving staff, the masked man emerges in the kitchen. He pours something (later revealed to be the illegal drug psychoquina) over some goodies.
Eventually, the guests are called to their seats. Lucia makes the acquaintance of the rather brash Captain Francis Parker, Head of Palace Security.
Above them, the royals are preparing to descend. These include the withered old wheelchair-bound king, his rather more active spouse, and twin princes, the charismatic Douglas and the bitter Harlan. Douglas asks Cooper about the guests in Harrison’s absence, telling him to ask Lucia Velli for the first dance, and laughing at him when opera singer Madame Olivia de Rosetta’s seat is taken by the masked man. Cooper rushes downstairs to sort things out.
Back outside, Dick is eventually relieved by a cocky dragon called Rik’Shal/Roger, and decides to enter the palace to find the masked man (and the vampires). He rejects an automaton’s aid in unlocking the secret side entrance.
The royals come down through the Magiglass ceiling, to the astonishment of the crowd. At the same time, Cooper tries to ask the masked man to leave, but forgets what he’s doing. Douglas gives the customary speech; far away, at least one automaton takes offence to it.
Chuck is forced out of the hall prior to the speech, and remains stuck in the men’s lavatory while it goes on. He does see something, though: a pair of red heels asking Francis about the location of the black box, and stabbing him with his own sword. He eventually staggers back to his place as the speech finishes, mistakes Lucia next to him for the murderess, and is speechless while Cooper demands the first dance of her. Afterwards, he (Cooper) heads to the lavatory, and reveals himself to be metal.
The first two rounds of posts end with Rik’Shal having his head crushed by a charging automaton.
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Sat 24 May 2014 - 20:38 | |
| Sounds grand to me. I added a "questions to be answered" below the summary in the OP. I'll update it following the second summary. - Questions based on summary one:
What's in the box?
What exactly IS the Macguffin/Item?
Who is the masked man?
What's the endgame for the copper men?
Who murdered Francis Parker, framing Lucia Velli in the process?
Will Chuck get laid?
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Buskalilly Galactic Nova
Posts : 15082 Points : 15260 Join date : 2013-02-25 Age : 34 Location : Nagano
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Tue 27 May 2014 - 12:31 | |
| I've been working on my post for the 31st, which I'm thinking of as the "Season 2 premiere".
Also, is it just me who has a personal canon for every one of those questions? I'd feel like a dick if I answered them all myself. |
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Tue 27 May 2014 - 12:46 | |
| I think the important question is if our boy Chuck gets lucky.
Also, just checking: is everyone in for "Season Two" save beemoh? |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Tue 27 May 2014 - 12:56 | |
| I know that ZJ's still busy.
Are people still waiting for me to summarise part 2? Sorry! Will try and get something up this week.
Also, Drunka, don't we have answers, or at least strong hints at answers, to most of those questions already? Barring the most important one, of course. And if he does get a girl, will he spoil it by vomiting down her throat when he tries to kiss her? |
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Buskalilly Galactic Nova
Posts : 15082 Points : 15260 Join date : 2013-02-25 Age : 34 Location : Nagano
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Tue 27 May 2014 - 12:58 | |
| Strong hints, yeah. I just wonder if we're all at the same conclusions. |
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Tue 27 May 2014 - 13:05 | |
| - Balladeer wrote:
- I know that ZJ's still busy.
Are people still waiting for me to summarise part 2? Sorry! Will try and get something up this week.
ZJ can just hop back in when he's ready. Also to beemoh - if you get a hankering for some writing again, feel free to join in again! And yeah, a second summary would be great - your first one was very helpful. |
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Balladeer DIVINE LONELINESS
Posts : 26468 Points : 25302 Join date : 2013-01-16 Age : 35 Location : Admintown
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Tue 27 May 2014 - 21:00 | |
| - Moar summary:
We rejoin Cooper, sitting in the bathroom and expositing. He's an automaton, and he's confused. He chats in his mind to the Brass Commander, who seems to have "a soul" and has given or is going to give "the gift of freedom" to automata. He (Cooper) can't get the king's key, the masked man is apparently a Time Magus and has brought a box (same box? Different box? How does Cooper know?), and the operation involving The Item must be put on hold. The BC apparently agrees. However, a few moments later, it changes its mind, and the bewildered Cooper is left trying to organise for an attack. Instead, he ends up near the MacGuffin door, which can be unsealed with just one key. In the Great Hall, the king and queen bicker about "her" while Prince Douglas flirts with Lucia. Then the Duke of the Low Forest, an industrial elf, is poisoned by the psychoquina used by the Time Magus earlier. Soon everyone else begins to suffer: Lucia witnesses the masked man make his escape, and tries to take the king's key in the confusion, but an attack on the palace is announced and she decides to play drugged instead. She witnesses automata step in and kill a guard, and crawls over to the sober but terrified Chuck. She witnesses the BC take the king's key, and say, "We are going to set her free." Outside the hall, the masked man kills a dragon guard, out of "guilt". Dick finally makes it through the locked door, and is set upon by a pair of automata. Having placed Harrison in an "Invincible Booth", Hieronymus is approached by the BC, who calls him "father" and gives him a key (probably the key). Hieronymus seems to expect this. Luka Velli hears... not much, and is perturbed. He fears for his sister, "one of the only Vellis who would acknowledge him" - because the others are dead? He finds a dead servant, and then his sister, who is crawling out of the great hall. They reunite, and plan to steal a rowboat from the dock and escape: a copper puts paid to this idea, but the injured Luka is saved by Chuck with Luka's rapier. Apparently you can learn how to cut up a copper from books. At this stage, Cooper has checked out the revolution and is having doubts. He meets the BC by the MacGuffin's door. The conversation goes along these lines: "Y U attack?" "Be glad for the drugs LOL. But they weren't part of his plan." "Whose plan?" "He don't trust you, weirdo." "Am not weird." "Are too. I'm weird, but you're more weird. Show you my mechanics if you'll show me yours." "NO U." "Wait, no, he says deal with fleshies. Go do that instead." And Cooper leaves with "his heart thumping. Not ticking: thumping." Harrison is freed from his booth after over an hour (or what seems to him like an hour - who knows what Hieronymus can do to time in there? ), and asks Hiero about the box. It is unlocked by a key and and a magical seal, and contains... another key, this one a flat disk with protrusions. They leave to investigate, the castle almost silent, and find Dick being attacked. After Hiero disables the robots, Harrison takes Dick upstairs to the kitchen to get him a brandy. He bounds up further stairs to find the great hall full of the psychoquinated, and reveals that he's been on national service before. Left alone, Hiero is cornered by exposition in red heels. She accuses him of having the box stolen from a tower, via two automata and Francis Parker, who she has "broken", and tricking Harrison to bring it to him. Season 1 ends with an implication that Hiero is involved with the Time Magi over his head.
Phew! Done. I guess my box-delivering supply chain means we've got two different boxes now? Is that okay? (Alternatively: he recognised the Time Magi design when he saw Harrison holding it, and assumed that it was the masked man's, when... it wasn't.) I can change it if people would prefer. Also, some answers and apparent answers to your questions - I've struck out the ones I reckon are answered beyond doubt (you may disagree), and added some others in red. - Apparent answers to questions based on summary one, and more questions:
What's in the box? A key - the key to The MacGuffin's door, perhaps?
What does the key in the first box unlock?
Did the masked man bring a box to the party? How does Cooper know about it?
What exactly IS the Macguffin/Item? If they're one and the same, based on the BC's words, it seems that whatever inside is a "she". Everything else is unknown.
Who is "she/it" that the royal parents refer to?
Who is the masked man? A Time Magus, according to Cooper - who is guilty about something, and likes using illegal drugs.
Why is the masked man involved, and what does he feel guilty about?
What's the endgame for the copper men? Assuming that the BC has already given them his "freedom", there's one line that sticks out: "We are here to do what you lacked the courage for. We are going to set her free."
How is Cooper different from the other coppers? And what about the BC, with his "soul"?
What's going on behind Hieronymus' funny spectacles? Did he order the attack to go ahead, overriding Cooper, and if so why?
Who murdered Francis Parker, framing Lucia Velli in the process? The woman with the sword, who has links to the Time Magi and "knows" just what Hiero has done.
Who is the woman who killed Frankie Parkie?
What was the incident with "father" between the Vellis? Is it their real father, who is now presumed dead?
Will Chuck get laid? Chuck x Lucia OTP. <3
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JayMoyles Galactic Nova
Posts : 15896 Points : 15061 Join date : 2013-01-21 Age : 31 Location : The Shibuya River
| Subject: Re: Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread Wed 28 May 2014 - 1:27 | |
| - Balladeer wrote:
Phew! Done. I guess my box-delivering supply chain means we've got two different boxes now? Is that okay? (Alternatively: he recognised the Time Magi design when he saw Harrison holding it, and assumed that it was the masked man's, when... it wasn't.) I can change it if people would prefer. I like the idea he assumed it was the masked man's - it means Hiero can feign innocence if he and Cooper should meet. As to the identity of "her", I'm not going to put forward my canon for it, but I'd like to point out that whatever she may be, the Time Magi and the Royal Family have colluded to keep her sealed away for whatever reason, suggesting both parties have something to lose from "her" being out in the open. The OP has been updated with summaries and whatnot - looking forward to getting this going again! |
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