Mario Strikers Battle League Football (Now featuring a Smurf who cheats)

Two Men Left Fighting For Their Lives After Ripping Each Other to Shreds in Online Football League




Two men are on life support tonight after trying to kill each other simultaneously in cold blood over a football game. It's thought the unnamed men got in to a dispute over an online game of 'Mario Strikers: Battle League', a video game for the Nintendo Switch console. The men confronted each other just after 11pm, and began trading blows back and forth almost immediately. Onlookers say they heard one man scream "you're not going to f*ck my goal difference", while another more handsome one said "I'm not going to concede a cheap Peach Hyperstrike this time". After a near six minute tussle, the men both collapsed in exhaustion, and were tended to by Paratroopers medics before being taken to a near by medical facility. Neither is expected to survive.

Carnage. I definitely woke up my neighbours.

It's stuff like this that makes me wish they offered some sort of spectator option, that sounds like a belter of a match.

A punch in the mussh is worth 3 pts for Jas shhhh it's better than what I had before



Felt a wee bit bad after this game as it honestly could've went either way, I somehow went two nil up mid way through the match even though Muss had all the possession and hoovered up every single hyper strike power up going.  With less than a minute remaining Muss Athletic made one hyper shot count to put it into golden goal extra time but after I blocked a further 2 hyper strikes Toad danced down the wing and set up Luigi to slot home the winner.

Apparently the fans were singing a new song to the tune of Jumping all over the world .


We’ve got Toad, he’s on the wing,
We’ve got Luigi, he’s doing his thing,
Jas is the leader,
We’ll follow the *insert random mario strikers team name* all over the world.

I guess you can't get your arse handed to you if you don't play your game

The Cappuccino Kid Completes League Double Over Masofdas; Declares To Opposition Managers 'Put That In Your Fucking Pipe And Smoke It'



Masofdas was left to curse missed opportunities as he fell to a second defeat against The Cappuccino Kid. Following a quiet opening minute which saw neither team get on the scoresheet, The Cappuccino Kid battered past masofdas bodies to square the ball to team captain Donkey Kong’s feet. Expertly controlled, Donkey Kong spanked it home from distance to make it 1-0. As the match progressed masofdas went shoulder-to-shoulder with his opponent as he raced towards goal and tried to create scoring opportunities. While his players got in the thick of the action he struggled to put much weight behind any of his shots, with all but one being comfortably saved by the Rocket’s goalkeeper. A second for The Cappuccino Kid soon followed, and despite resilient attacking play from masofdas a late Bowser Hyper Strike sealed all three points.

The result sees The Cappuccino Kid return to winning ways as he seeks to consolidate his top-half league position. Meanwhile, a sixth defeat in eight leaves masofdas staring down the barrel of relegation to the HNamer Forum.

Dusty Knackers wrote:

I guess you can't get your arse handed to you if you don't play your game

https://balancebeamsituation.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/stephen.gif

9 point deduction

Another week down and a rough week for me, but I think that was to be expected, better pull my finger out for the next few weeks...

Is the second half of the season just repeating the first or is that just me?

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

The Cappuccino Kid battered past masofdas bodies to square the ball to team captain Donkey Kong’s feet.

The Cappuccino Kid wrote:

Donkey Kong’s feet.

"Feet" indeed.

It's probably just repeating the first, I didn't look into it that deeply

Knackers' Crackers Smack Andy's Slackers!




Dusty Knackers' resurgence continued on Friday night, with his third straight league win, all but ending AndrewManNineFourNine's challenge for the title in the process. Knackers Allardyce's team opened the scoring after just three seconds when 10' 2" striker Bowser clattered through the opposition defense to hoof it home. The home team made it two not long after, in-form Shy Guy tapping past a stunned Boom Boom. Andy Gunnar Solskjær's team needed to rely on a Hyper Strike to bring them back level. In the first half of the season, Sir Knackers Fegurson's team would have crumbled at this stage, but this rejuvinated team fought to restore a two goal lead. CheatyMan949 had to use exploits and hacks to get another Hyper Strike in to the goal, bribing the refs in the process. However, the Most Entertaining Team in the League were not to be denied, Big Lad Bowser made sure of the three points late on.

Ooft! You certainly did get your arse handed to you.



Even though I've had higher scorelines that's honestly the best I've played I think & it did imitate Celtic vs Rangers.

For 1 game only, Muss no longer limited to using 1% of his power



A staggering run of form that saw Cheatsmurf surge ahead of the GNamer pack with a 100% record proved enough reason for the guardians of the 5th dimension to unleash Muss' full potential. Things started brightly for Muss Athletic, with the returning cosmic chief Rosalina blasting a long range effort home in the early portion of the match.

Sensing an opportunity to press the advantage Muss Athletic attempted to hit Cheatsmurf on the break despite the opposition having a Hyper Strike in hand. The break was cooly defended, and punished by a speedy Toad in acres of space.

Things looked bleak for the away side, whose manager appeared to be buckling under the pressure but Rosalina stepped up again with a fiesty mid-range effort which was saved, but fell to her feet and was put away to level things.

But the match was far from over. With a minute thirty left on the board Cheatsmurf unleashed another hyper strike from a romping Toad. However Toad could only connect with 1 blue bar, allowing the keeper to make a clutch save. The rebound fell square to Cheatsmurf's attackers but a heroic block from Waluigi opened up a counter attack for Muss Athletic.

Moments later another Hyper Strike descended from the heavens, this one scooped up by Muss. Cheatsmurf's team fell back into a zone defence, waiting for the hyper strike to begin charging in order to counter. But Peach nimbly weaved her way from the corner area, into the six yard box, and tucked away the ball with a quick strike leaving a handful of seconds on the clock. That proved to be the undoing of Cheatsmurf's team, who couldn't muster another counter attack.

This felt like a close game, and both managers thought the other would have made for a deserved winner, but despite whatever else happens this season. I BEAT SMURF FIRST!

Think the match should be null and void to be honest, the pitch was dry, the wind was definitely behind his team, I hadn't played for nearly two weeks so the fixture scheduling is clearly wrong, I can't get that Hudson Mohawke - Cbat song out of my head and it's distracting, there was a kit clash, I'm still in shock at Hogan joining the NWO, I'm still in holiday mode after a week off, my Switch screenshot library is getting a bit too full, I can feel a bit of a cold coming on, whilst Muss prepared by playing Mario Strikers I was playing The Cat in the Hat on PS2 because I was unaware practice in-between games was allowed, I was a little bit hungry, I'm in the process of trying to buy a house at the minute and the whole thing is very stressful, it was a bit dark because it was set to night, my front room is so full of toys and balloons right now it was distracting, my playtime of the game is 5 hours or more whereas Muss' is 10 hours or more so he had an unfair advantage, it was a bit dark because it's actually night outside, I gave Muss hope before the game as a good will gesture and he used it against me, I'm in the process of learning to drive and the whole thing is very stressful, my hometown team beat Muss' hometown team 6-0 the other day so I was trying to be nice to him, when I was 2-1 up I was under pressure for a good headline after having to do so many already, I've gotta worry about Liz fucking Truss running the country from tomorrow, Muss I mean Azreal is still on an adrenaline high after defeating the Puzzler, I've gotta worry about Boris Johnson still being in charge of the country for a few hours, I'm still a bit shaken from a car that went fast when I was crossing the road earlier, I'm still upset about Dominic clotheslining his dad at Clash at the Castle, my keeper is definitely still working against me, I wanted to try out Cappa's comedy headline patter, everyone calling me a cheat has really gotten to Waluigi because he's a sensitive soul, I'm still upset about Rollins breaking up the Shield, I was too busy trying to think of all these excuses and I also needed a poo before the game but Muss insisted he would be ready to play then kept me waiting for like 5 hours give or take so I had to hold it in the whole time.

Muss wrote:

I BEAT SMURF FIRST!

We don't need that last word.

In the late kick off/early kick off in the world it was Mas with the help of Waluigi over Daisy to take the win.

It's time for some scores!



You want some fixtures too?

What mas didn't really get across there was that it was 0-0 until like the final 15 seconds. A really fun game.

Is it bad that I want Mas to lose, just so I get to read another comedy report?

I think Mas should win, this week at least anyway.

Need to put my name in the frame for the Brighton job.

Balladeer wrote:

Is it bad that I want Mas to lose, just so I get to read another comedy report?

Yes, you should want Mas to lose for various other reasons.

All games postponed cos the Queen's deed? I agree. Very respectful.

One for the history books



They say history is written by the victors, which is true because I, Muss, am here to say that I destroyed Dustry Knackers in a game that wasn't even close.

Yes, revisionist historians will quote the fact that Knackers' crew was up 4-1 with about a minute on the clock, yes they will write that somehow Knackers snatched defeat from the jaws of victory after opening the scoring within 10 seconds. But I don't care about such revisions, I am a man of the present and I will hear no such revisions. Glory to the legion of Muss.

Following a hyper strike to get within a goal of Knackers, Shy Guy scored a fated goal with 3 seconds left on the clock, with the ball literally trickling over the line after the keeper got a firm hand to it. With another hyper strike in hand, Muss Athletic managed to get Waluigi in space for an uncounterable hyper strike to seal the game.

Never in doubt, very clean underwear  

It was a game that had plenty of tackles, well timed items, goals from long range, close range, and hyper strikes. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a film made about this match one day. Although when they do, I'm sure Knackers will be cast as the good guy - like Rocky or something.

beating a team called 'The Crowns' in the current climate? That's a beheadin' in my books.

Balla wrote:

Is it bad that I want Mas to lose, just so I get to read another comedy report?

Balla get's his wish but a comedy report shall not follow because Mario strikers is serious business!



And Jas' Cyclones were in full on serious mode from kick off until full time because he has other games to be playing like Splatoon 3 and can't be wasting time on games he only plays once a week.