Forum Fiction Troubleshooting/Comments Thread

Balladeer wrote:

Also, did Luka's part in the Velli plan end with his manipulation of the seating plan?  I'm not clear on that.

I'd imagined him hanging about to help Lucia's escape from the palace with the Item, and that he'd have to kill the servant who's room he was inhabiting to cover his tracks. Course, with that plan awry, he's now waiting for someone who won't come. I've got a good idea for what to do with him next time it comes around to me.

Balladeer wrote:

We're not going with "magi" as a singular, are we?  One magus or mage, two magi, surely?

Fuck, I thought I was using that wrong. I'll edit my last piece to reflect it - "one of the Magi of the Ivory Tower" etc.

That's a correct usage, though, which is what confused me.  

So I guess it's Drunka's go now? And what happens to Beemoh? I think the original idea was that if someone missed their slot, they could post at any time until their next slot - are people okay with that?

If Drunka's quick, I'll happily go after him.

I accidentally edited this post and now I can't remember what it said.

Drunkalilly wrote:

I could probably do mine after tea tonight. I had quite a fun idea for a chapter and was hoping beemotron didn't move things forwards too much anyway.

*goes into forum fiction thread*
*kills all the characters*

beemoh wrote:

*goes into forum fiction thread*
*kills all the characters*

Beat you to it!   

Actually, I've managed to avoid killing a single named character so far. It was the rest of you who decided that was Parker in the toilets!

The Item is a person then? Some sort of automata-human hybrid?

Also, I love the idea that the brass commander freed the rest of the copper men because he could resist the Magi's control - sort of like an AI gaining sentience, but with a unique flourish.

And, I feel we're now better placed to name this.

Some suggestions - Heart of Brass
Copper and Blood
A Clockwork Mind (Not plagiarism, ahem)

Hopefully we can decide on a title by the time the next cycle starts.   

Question: Jay said that Cooper called things off with the Brass Commander.  Now Drunka's saying that, mere minutes before everybody died, Cooper was thinking this: "The commander was en route. In his position, he'd been able to arrange the clockwork guards so they'd be in prime position when the commander arrived and set them free."

Am I missing something? 

Nope, that was me who missed something. Or maybe it's a clue for something clever someone else is going to write. Did the brass commander decide to ignore Cooper? Did the masked man make him call the commander and change his mind? Maybe he never spoke to the commander, maybe he was just talking to the masked man, who has his own nefarious plan that involved the copper attack having to happen?

A Clockwork Mind is good, or maybe Clockwork Hearts.

Drunkalilly wrote:

Did the brass commander decide to ignore Cooper?

JayMoyles wrote:

I wish to... bask in its grandeur.

I feel you could read a lot into that pause.

Also, I love Clockwork Hearts. Seconding that.

If the Brass Commander was actually lying to Cooper, that would make for a pretty interesting dynamic there, with the two metal men at each others' throats for the remainder of the story.  But you'd then need to go back and edit the passage so that Cooper isn't ready for the attack. Is that a thing that could happen, or are we going to try and make the story work as it stands?

I say leave it and watch the chaos ensue.

Yeah, I'm with Andy. Truth is, I done goofed, but I'd rather let someone do something clever than go back and edit.

Hmmm. I don't like the idea of a blaring plothole though. I'll leave the fix to someone else though - I don't feel clever enough to fix it come my next passage.   

Namewise - two votes for Clockwork Hearts - thoughts?

Can I just check, before we go on - does anyone (including yourself, Mr. Lilly) have a clever idea about how to make this work, without making it more awkward than it is? Because I know that I'll be avoiding Cooper, or talking about him, for the time being!

Well we've got the mage in there, Cooper wanted to stop the attack then the attack went ahead. So if we assume the masked man had a hand in that, im sure we can make it work. It'd be pretty boring if the masked man was just literally on the side of the Clockwork men. If Dark Souls has taught us anything, it's that subtlety and mystery can lead to the best storytelling.

If you all really want, though, I'll go back and add a few lines to Coopers section.

Drunkalilly wrote:

If Dark Souls has taught us anything, it's that subtlety and mystery can lead to the best storytelling.

I think the Masked Man could work as a chaos-loving wildcard. But I'm probably going to avoid Cooper anyway for now.

I don't think a chaos-loving wildcard would feel guilty, though.  Of course, that could just be batshit insanity talking.

Ultimately it's Drunka's decision, it being his post.  My preference would be to err on the side of the best story, and even if we explain it later the sudden unexplained switch is a little jarring; but I'm sure we'll be able to make it work either way.

Aye - if we overthink this, then we're not going to have as much fun as if we rolled with the punches.

There. Happy now?

My contribution is going to be crunched right up against my deadline. Although I have literally no idea what to write, that's never stopped me before. 

So is it my go next, or Zero's?

As far as I understand, you do yours whenever you can before it loops around to you again, and then the three days reset for whoever's turn it "really" is.  Correct me if I'm wrong, Jay.